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Her Majesty’s Departure from Rosyth aboard the Royal Yacht 1956

As Caledonia was the largest and most available body of Naval Personnel in the Rosyth Area it fell to the Apprentices to provide a "Street Lining Party and Royal Guard" for her departure on the Royal Yacht.

I was a member of the Pipe Band and we were to play the ships company into their positions whilst the Brass Band was to play the Royal Guard into position alongside the Yacht to provide the usual renderings of The National Anthem at the appropriate times whilst the Guard carried out the Royal Salute.

All went well and the Pipe Band was "parked" in a layby just ahead of the last of the street lining party, on the nearside of any vehicle that would go past.

At the appropriate hour Her Majesty’s Rolls Royce came into view and we were duly brought to attention and saluted as she passed by, lo and behold The Duke of Edinburgh spotted us (with his right arm at the Salute swung around to face us) but of course forward velocity of the car meant he had to swivel around so far he ended up looking out of the rear widow of the vehicle completely forgetting his right arm had followed him whilst the Queen totally bemused at his enthusiasm had not taken avoiding action swiftly enough and almost had her head removed from her shoulders.

The Pipe bands LAST view of the Royal Party was to see the Queen beating back the offending arm much to the amusement of the entire Pipe Band.

THE BACK GATE

I think all Apprentices of the era 1955-57 will remember the BACK gate to Caledonia
Those who invested their WEALTH in a secondhand Norton or B.S.A motorbike of the period found presenting oneself in front of the Officer of the Watch a little tedious when trying to proceed ashore with a Motorcycle, so to save the inconvienience a section of fence at the Bike Garage was made removable.

This proved very satisfactory as "Times of departure and return" could be regulated by oneself without troubling with a Liberty boat (One could never be adrift). Until one day in the summer of 1957 when a pipe was made to the effect that ALL LEAVE was cancelled until the FENCE was made secure.
An urgent request was put out to the Coppersmiths shop to despatch welding gear to the offending section of fence and to weld it post haste

This we reluctantly did and for some months after that the Polizei ( reg P.O.'s ) kept watch on the fence to ensure our welding didn't "melt"

Admiral Sir John Fieldhouse (circa 1973)

Apparently whilst Admiral Fieldhouse was aboard an aircraft carrier and touring the flight-deck. He came across a pair of legs sticking out of an aircraft engine. When he enquired what was the matter, he was in turn asked who wanted to know, he replied The Admiral. The top half of the body still did not emerge from the engine but the reply came - if your the Admiral, then I'm the Queen of Sheba. The Admiral left it at that but by the next 'Divisions' (on the flight deck) the CPO had been identified and as the inspecting entourage approached him the band struck up with the Royal Salute and with a smart 'Eyes Left for the Queen of Sheba' the said CPO was saluted by the Admiral.

Just to remind you about "Life in a Blue Suit".

1. Buy a "skip", paint it gray inside and out, and live in it for six months.

2. Run all the pipes and wires in your house so that they are exposed on the walls.

3. Repaint your entire house every month.

4. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of the bathtub and move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make sure you turn off the water while you soap down.

5. Put engine lubricating oil into a humidifier and set it to run on high.

6. Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney,making sure the wind carries the soot onto your neighbor's house. Ignore their complaints.

7. Once a month, take all major appliances apart and then reassemble them.

8. Raise the thresholds and lower the headers of your front and back doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass through them.

9. Disassemble and inspect your lawnmower every week.

10. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, turn your water heater temperature up to 200 degrees. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, turn the water heater off. On Saturdays and Sundays tell your family they use too much water during the week, so no bathing will be allowed.

11. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling, so you can't turn over without getting out and getting back in.

12. Sleep on a shelf in your wardrobe. Replace the door with a curtain. Have your spouse whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to sleep, shine a flashlight in your eyes, and say "Sorry, wrong pit."

13. Make your family qualify to operate each appliance in your house - dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.

14. Have your neighbor come over each day at 5 am, blow a whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it, and shout "Reveille, Reveille, all hands Lash Up & Stow."

15. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the following day, then have her make you stand in your back yard at 6 am while she reads it to you.

16. Submit a request chit to your father-in-law, requesting permission to leave your house before 4 PM.

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house and sweep the driveway three times a day, whether it needs it or not. (Prepare for Evening Rounds, man your brooms, clean ship, sweep down forward and aft, ditch all gash.)

18. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item before delivering it to you.

19. Watch no TV except for movies played in the middle of the night. Have your family vote on which movie to watch, then show a different one.

20. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a megaphone shouting that your home is under attack and ordering them to their action stations.

21. Make up your family menu for the week without looking the pantry or refrigerator.

22. Post a menu on the kitchen door informing your family that they are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for an hour. When finally they get to the kitchen, tell them you are out of steak, but they can have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they ignore the menu and just ask for hot dogs.

23. Bake a cake. Prop up one side of the pan so the cake bakes unevenly. Spread icing real thick to level it off.

24. Get up every night at midnight and have a peanut butter sandwich on stale bread.

25. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night. At the alarm, jump up and dress as fast as you can, making sure to button your top shirt button and tuck your pants into your socks. Run out into the garden uncoil the hose and spray anything that looks like it may catch fire..

26. Every week or so, throw your cat or dog in the pool and shout "Man overboard port side!" Rate your family members on how fast they respond.

27. Put the headphones from your stereo on your head, but don't plug them in. Hang a paper cup around your neck on a string. Stand in front of the stove, and speak into the paper cup "Stove manned and ready." After an hour or so, speak into the cup again "Stove secured." Roll up the headphones and paper cup and stow them in a shoebox.

28. Place a podium at the end of your driveway. Have your family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4 hour intervals. This is best done when the weather is worst. January is a good time.

29. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, get a wobbly rocking chair, sit in it and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. Make sure to have a supply of stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

30. Especially for Engineers:- Run a motor mower into the living room all day long.

31. Boil a teapot full of tea for 20 minutes then mix in two tins of carnation and one of condensed milk. Let it stand for 20 minutes then drink it from a dirty cup whilst eating a stale bun.

32. Have someone under the age of ten give you a haircut with sheep shears.

33. Sew the back pockets of your jeans onto the front.

34. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go to the scummiest part of town. Find the most run down, trashiest bar, and drink beer until you are hammered. Then walk all the way home.

35. Lock yourself and your family in the house for six weeks. Tell them that at the end of the 6th week you are going to take them to Euro Disney. At the end of the 6th week, inform them the trip to Euro Disney has been canceled because they need to get ready for an inspection, and it will be another week before they can leave the house.

Some more from Ben Bennington

Wash your underwear every night in a bucket then hang it over the hot water pipes to dry.

Set up five tape recorders of five different people snoring, and play them all night.

Take all the bedding off and dismantle your bed. Go out for a night on the town and return at two in the morning, then get your head down - after making the bed.

Install a small fluorescent light under your coffee table, then lie underneath it and read books.

When you shower, remember to shout at the top of your voice “Turning on!” when turning the shower on, and “Turning off!” when turning the shower off.

As you are about to start eating dinner, get someone to shout “starboard 25” and then tip the table to 30degrees so that everything slides off.

Nickname your shoes ‘steaming bats’ and get your children to hide them around the house.

Get your kids to hide around a corner and when you walk by, to throw a bucket of water over you.

Go out with a girl with Tourettes syndrome, just to hear someone shout and scream for no apparent reason.

Whenever you order a short at the pub, tell the barman to have sippers